George the Rolling Pin
by Spiral Nightingale
Summary: So this is an AU story about England and America meeting these two girls at a bar. Some painful hits to the head by a rolling pin named George ends with both girls in ... odd positions ... This is my first fic and EXTREMELY stuffed full of crack.


So the guys in this fic are mostly OOC and we have 2 OC's in the story. The OC's represent me and my friend while we wrote this story. Please R&R and try not to flame too much, this is my first crack-tastic fic O.O

Hetalia does not belong to me and neither do England and America ... sadly e.e

"Hit Me Baby One More Time" Does not belong to me either, it belongs to Britney Spears

LIZZY DOES BELONG TO ME AND MISSY BELONGS TO MY BEST FRIEND XD

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><p>"Ello chap, do you have tea?" said England as he walked into a modern day American bar. "Yeah, totes bro, we got tea." One of the two Asian bartenders replied, sarcasm dripping heavily. "Yeah, cause a normal American totally drinks tea and not alcohol at a bar. Pffft." The other bartender said.<p>

"YAYYY!" England yells, startling the entire bar. "Is he high or something or just really stupid? I knew we would've had some kinda weirdo in here someday." Missy, the first bartender whispers to the second. "I know right? Good thing he's cute, I'm just gonna grab my tweezers really quick and he'll be so much cuter." Lizzy, the second bartender whispers back, excited.

".. You worry me, what if he's a crazy psycho? And, those eyebrows are sexy the way they are." Winking, Missy goes to prepare a Russian Vodka and try to pass it off as tea.

"So ... what's your name weird stranger? Cause I'm totally not gonna pluck your eyebrows." Lizzy was flirting with England while Missy's flirting senses were tingling.

"My name's England, my dear girl. What's your's?" England said while stroking Lizzy's cheek. "Ummm ... ummm ... I'm gonna go check on your tea." Lizzy said, slowly backing away from the odd man.

"Alright mister, here's your 'tea.'" Missy said, coming out from the back room. "Hope you enjoy it."

"Missy? I think there's something seriously wrong with that guy, he was stroking my face!" Wide eyed, Missy walked back into the back room and came out with a rolling pin. "Hiya mister. I'm totally not gonna kill you with this rolling pin here, you want steak? I'll make you some British steaks."

"Oh yes, I would love some steaks. Will you put on some barbaque rub?" England says, not getting the killer intent. Next on the jukebox was "Hit me Baby One More Time" by Britany Spears.

_Oh baby baby_

_Oh baby baby_

_Oh baby baby, _

_How was I supposed to know?_

_That something wasn't right here?_

_Oh baby baby,_

_I shouldn't have let you go_

_And now you're outta sight, yeah._

_Show me, how you want it to be_

_Tell me baby, _

_Cause I need to know what we've got._

_My loneliness is killing -_

"Wait, what does that have to do with anything? I mean, I get the first part, but that just makes no sense." Missy asks while holding onto England's dress shirt collar. "Dude, it doesn't matter, just keep beating him up." Lizzy says, smiling.

_I must confess_

_I still believe (still believe)_

_When I'm not with you _

_I lose my mind_

"WAIT, WHAATT?" Missy yells. "JUST KEEP KILLING HIM!"

_Give me a sign._

_"Hit me baby one more time" _England sang that last line along with the music.

"Alright, but it's gonna hurt, just remember, you asked for it." Missy says with a laugh. "GO MISSY!" Lizzy yells, encouraging the violence in the bar.

_Oh baby baby_

_The reason I breathe is you_

_Yeah, boy you got me blinded_

"Ummm ... ummm ... GOOD GOD!" Missy yells, embarrased and blushing red as a tomato.

_Oh pretty baby,_

_There's nothing that I wouldn't do_

_That's not the way I planned it_

"AGREED! WHY DID A SONG ABOUT HITTING PEOPLE GO TO THIS?" Lizzy whispers to Missy "Hey, if you end up with this guy, I get his brother, America." Surprised, Missy stopped hitting England for a moment, "Wait, he has a brother? HOW DID _YOU _KNOW?" Lizzy hesitated, "Umm ... ummm ... well ... JUST KEEP HITTING HIM!" "... Alright."

_Show me how you want it to be_

_Tell me baby cause I need to know_

_What we've got_

"I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING WITH THIS CRAZY GUY!"

_My loneliness is killing me_

"I'M NOT LONELY THOUGH!"

_I must confess_

_I still believe (still believe)_

_When I'm not with you _

_I lose my mind_

_Give me a sign._

_"Hit me baby one more time" _England sang that last line along with the music again.

"With pleasure you little masochist."

"England sang the rest of the song along with the music."

"_Oh baby baby_

_Yeah_

_Oh baby baby_

"You're a real masochist, aren't you?"

_Yeah_

_Oh baby baby_

_How was I supposed to know_

_Oh pretty baby_

_I shouldn't have let you go"_

"LET WHO GO? WHO IS SHE?" "Don't you think you're acting really jealous Missy?"

_"I must confess that my loneliness_

_Is killing me now_

_Don't you know I still believe?"_

"BELIEVE IN WHAT?"

_"That you will be here"_

"I will?"

_"And give me a sign"_

"A SIGN OF WHAT?"

_"Hit me baby one more time"_

"... Ummm ... ummm ... I'm not comfortable with this anymore."

_"My loneliness is killing me_

_I must confess_

_I still believe (still believe)_

_When I'm not with you _

_I lose my mind_

_Give me a sign._

_"Hit me baby one more time" _

_My loneliness is killing me_

_I must confess_

_I still believe (still believe)_

_When I'm not with you _

_I lose my mind_

_Give me a sign._

_"Hit me baby one more time" _

Looking over at Missy, Lizzy saw her twitching and coughing in embarrassment."Lizzy, you take care of him, I'm gonna take care of cleaning this rolling pin here cause it's all covered in blood and snot and shit."

"Why me ... oh never mind, see you ~" Lizzy has lecherous smile on her face now, thinking about hot guys walking into the bar while her best friend and co-worker was busy cleaning up blood.

"Make sure to clean the blood out here too." "Yeah yeah. Stop being my mother, I know to dispose of the body if it's dead." They took the still bloody rolling pin and poked England with it, trying to determine if he was dead or not.

Missy walked away while Lizzy started mopping up England's blood. Suddenly, a blond with glasses and an air bomber jacket walked in.

"BRO! WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU?" America screamed like a girl.

"Woah ... real attractive voice you got there America ..." Lizzy says. "Waaiiitt ... how do you know my name?" America asks with a creeper face.

"Ummm ... ummm ... I totally did not look through England's wallet to look at precious pictures of precious people. Not at all, I ... I ... I USED TO GO TO SCHOOL WITH YOU!" Lizzy made up. The entire bar cracked up but America didn't notice at all. "Really? Oh yeah, you were that one chick in my Algebra class. "Yeah, yeah. I'm that one girl that you probably don't remember."

"HAHA! I KNEW YOU WERE LYING, I'M NOT SMART ENOUGH TO BE IN ALGEBRA, NOW WHO ARE YOU REALLY?"

"... Alright, I'm the secret service's secret service." She lied again.

"Ooh, yeah that makes sense."

Groaning, England starts to wake up just as Missy walks out with a clean rolling pin. "Oh, you must be England's brother, America. England told me all about you ... well, at least your name. He was in a little accident here at our bar, he probably has a bit of a concussion so he doesn't know what he's saying if he says we(I) beat him up."

"Alright, I'll just take him home. Hey, girl -"

"My name's Lizzy!"

"Alright then, Lizzy? You wanna go out with me? Come to my house after work and we can make out" America flirted.

"Uhhhh ... ALRIGHT!"

"Oh, hey, Missy?"

"Yes, what do you want? I just cleaned this rolling pin here."

"You wanna come by and make out with me? I'll be staying at America's house so you can just go with Lizzy and America will pick you guys up after work. What time do you get out?"

"I get out at a quarter to never. I love you though, but no, I'm not getting into a strange car with a guy my friend and I just met." Missy said with an impassive stare.

"We get out at 9 p.m. Pick us up at about 9:15. See ya boys."

"God, you just gotta ruin it for me don't you?"

"I want a boyfriend, it's been forever."

"Fine. So do I. I'M NOT LONELY THOUGH!"

"No need to yell, see you later boys."

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><p><strong>~ That night with Lizzy ~<strong>

**~ Insert dirty sounds and thoughts here ~**

"So, we're boyfriend/girlfriend now?" Lizzy asks.

"Yeah, we should go on our first date. There's a carnival this weekend. We could double date."

"Alright, do you want my number so you can call me?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

"Ok, it's (123) 456 – 7890"

"Mine's (487) 487 – 4874"

"I'll call you later. I'm tired, I'm gonna sleep now."

~ **Insert sleeping noises here** ~

* * *

><p>~ <strong>Same night with Missy<strong> ~

In the living room, there's Missy and England. Missy with a rolling pin she's cuddling with while England is cold and alone on the other side of the sofa.

"Can I cuddle with you? It seems like you love the rolling pin more than you love me."

"I just met you, of course I love George (the rolling pin) more."

England slowly slided across the sofa and tried the cheesy yawn and arm over shoulder trick. Missy slowly lifted George out of her embrace to give England a quick but painful hit over the head.

"GOD, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

"DON'T INSULT ME, I'M A LADY AND I HAVE FEELINGS!"

"THIS IS WHY YOU'LL NEVER GET A BOYFRIEND!"

"Two things Iggy, One: Dude, that's just hurtful. And two: Aren't _you_ my boyfriend?"

"Oh ... I am? Oh ... We should make out like America and Lizzy now."

"No."

"It wasn't a question."

"... Fine. Just remember, don't push it because George is watching you." Missy says while slowly bringing the rolling pin up into view.

~ **Insert more dirty thoughts and sounds here (not too dirty because George is still watching) ~**

_"My loneliness is killing me_

_I must confess_

_I still believe (still believe)_

_When I'm not with you _

_I lose my mind_

_Give me a sign._

_"Hit me baby one more time" _

_My loneliness is killing me_

_I must confess_

_I still believe (still believe)_

_When I'm not with you _

_I lose my mind_

_Give me a sign._

_"Hit me baby one more time"_

England stopped making out with Missy to sing the song was played while he met the girl of his dreams ... and her rolling pin.

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><p><strong>WOO! DIDN'T YOU JUST LOVE THAT? Remember: R&amp;R<strong>

**~ FLAME AND GEORGE WILL COME FOR YOU ~**


End file.
